Two servings of sparkles please
I was given advice early in my career to create a sunshine folder, I later made it into a sparkle folder because, well, l I love sparkles. This is a place where you gather the good things; that compliment you received at work from your boss, the positive review from a customer for a job well done, the 3 yo in your life who draws you a picture and calls you the best dad/aunt/teacher/doctor, etc. It is SO easy to forget these positive experiences when you are facing something hard.
Our brains are hardwired to look for the negative to protect us from danger, we even have a filing system for that. When we experience something hard we automatically refer to the filing system looking for other things filed in our “oh crap” folder --remember that last time we failed? or remember that terrible insult?. I feel like we are WAY more practiced at opening our oh crap folder whereas we barely believe it when we get a compliment, never mind make a point of remembering it. We’ve all heard that you need 10 compliments to wipe out the effects of one negative comment - this is the reason. Compliments are just not that memorable as they don’t pose a risk. So we need to intentionally make them count.
So two thoughts…
First thought, looking for the good.
What if you created a sparkle folder, and started collecting accomplishments, compliments, and things you’re proud of. And I’m talking about an actual physical folder! Maybe this encourages you to look for the positive when you usually are on the hunt for the dangerous? When you’re feeling down you make a new habit of returning to your sparkle folder. Maybe you can take situations that at first seem like they belong in the danger folder and look for a glimmer of something good. For example, perhaps you had a complaint today for something you did at work, instead of feeling bad about it, you could think “I learned something new I can do better, and I didn’t let the complaint ruin my day”.
Second thought, clearing out the “oh crap” folder.
What if you apply the knowledge you now have about ADHD and how it might have impacted some of your past oh crap folder items, and have some self compassion. Talk to your 15 or 20 or 30 year-old self who didn’t know they had ADHD, or didn’t know how to manage their ADHD, and give them the compassion that you now know they deserved when they had “oh crap” moments in the past, and maybe that folder gets a little lighter.
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Written by Dr. Danielle Chard | Co-Founder of Level Up ADHD
